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There are days when having Tourette’s teacher can be brutal, boring, and scattered. However, within the disarray, there can emerge a gem of a story. This is one of those gems. 

Before telling the story, Tourette’s teacher paused and said, “Should I tell this story? It might be inappropriate.”


The answer to that question is always “yes!!” (with two exclamation points, minimum).

Tourette’s teacher’s words are in italics, while my thoughts will be normal font.

In my early days as a counselor, I was treating this older male. He told me that he had a pump, you know, not like for insulin, but for his penis. (Here we go, this is going to be good) Well, he claimed that he could no longer get it up (she just said get it up? is that the clinical term?), but I had my suspicions that the real problem was his feelings toward his wife. So I decided to try and find out (what the fuck did she do). I decided to try a little hypnotherapy; I had him lay down on the coach and just relax (I hope this does not lead to a blow job, weird, I have never had that thought before). It wasn’t long before I could tell he had an erection. And it wasn’t long before he unzipped his pants and took it out (this isn’t going to end well)! I stopped the hypnosis immediately and told him “Put that away!” but he said “I CAN’T! I AM CUMMING!!” (what the fuck did she just say?) So I told him “No, not yet” and hurried and grabbed a box of tissues. But I was too late. He came on my floor and coach, it got everywhere. (Whoa, what the fuck indeed). Anyway, that was a long time ago, and probably the strangest session I ever had. (I sure as fuck hope so, I am going to bleach my brain). 
Then a random student said “I hope you put that on his bill?” trying to be funny, but barely hitting a single. 
That’s when the DH stepped in (that’s me) and said, “I think he got it all over the bill too!” To which the class roared in delight as I stood and slowly jogged around the bases after my glorious home-run. 

(I didn’t really get up and jog imaginary bases, but I imagined it and smiled)